Haven't posted here in awhile. I haven't felt a real big need to. But it's winter again and it seems everywhere around me people are falling. My friends are falling and I have no idea what to do. I'm going crazy inside my own head I can't seem to push out to help them. I want to but I have no words, I have no looks, I have only silence because that is all I can give myself.

I wish I knew how. It seems all I do is wish. And I never get. It's almost Christmas and I'm afraid some people won't make it. I know they will. They have to. But I'm always afraid.

I'm afraid of everything right now. I'm afraid of working, I'm afraid of driving, I'm afraid of my brain. I've been in two car accidents in the past week and I can't take anymore before I really cannot drive anymore. I can't stop clenching whenever we come within fifty feet of another vehicle, I can't stop flinching when I have to push on the brake pedal. I'm afraid it's not going to stop, that I won't be able to control anything anymore and end up hurting not only myself but others.

I can't get rid of these headaches. I can't get rid of these scars. I can't do anything and most days I wish I could really just stop.